simeone says

I ended 2017 by leaving a job I loved and a town I had grew comfortable in over the previous 8 years. I packed a U-Haul and moved to the town I had just started my new job in and convinced myself I was excited so that I could drown out the part of me that was worrying I had made a mistake. My “resolution” for 2018, if you could call it that, was to just make it through. I knew it would be hard for the sheer fact it was starting with a bunch of firsts. Little did I know there was a lot more where that came from. While there were some good moment this year, I can honestly say this was one of the hardest years I’ve experienced to date. But as the saying goes, if it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you. These are the lessons I’ve learned in 2018.

How to let of things that no longer serve me. I am a creature of habit. I hate change. I also pride myself on being incredibly loyal. I like to be the person who always sees things through, the person who always makes it work, the person who never gives up. Because of this, I always try to stay in something, whether it’s a job, a friendship, or a project, that I’ve started. Any other option always gave me anxiety. It made me feel like I wasn’t trying hard enough to make it work or that I wasn’t working to see the positive in the situation. I think it also made me worry about what the alternative was. Who would I be without this thing I’ve put so much of myself into? Back in 2015, when I was dealing with a lot of the aftermath of being assaulted, I learned that if I was going to have to fight to get back to a normal life, then I wanted to do more than just exist. It wasn’t until this past year, however, when I realized how my tendency to hold on to things for fear of “being a quitter” or for fear of change has caused me to give energy toward things that aren’t playing a role in getting me where I want to be – things that aren’t helping me live my best life. I guess the definition of what “serves you” is one best left up to the individual. But for me, I’ve defined it as being in a position where I am no longer growing, learning, and or being challenged. If that is the case, then it’s time to move on. Over the past year I have learned how to be thankful for opportunities, people, and places that at one point were important, beneficial, or what I thought I wanted, and then do what I call detach with love.

 People will label you. It says a lot about who you are naturally, but nothing at all about what you are capable of. this year, I started a new professional job, as well as, a part-time job in a town where I didn’t really know anyone. This is the first time I’ve been faced with that drastic of a change in environment since moving away to go to college. Having the experience of such a “new start” reminded me that people naturally make quick judgments about people within a short time frame. I say judgments here, but maybe that is making it sound like a bad thing. Explained another way, I’ve learned people who you have casual interactions with will try and put you in a box. I am the “numbers person” or the “agreeable people pleaser” or whatever other labels there are. There definately is truth to that, but just because I am those things, doesn’t mean I can’t be other things too. We all have certain strengths or certain tendencies we lean toward, but if you are aware enough to know that, you can work toward anything. I’ve also noticed an interesting shift in attitude about this from when I experienced this at 18. Going away to college and not knowing anyone, I felt obligated to live up to the things people I met told me I was or thought that I was. In that way, I let other peoples recognition of my strengths tell me what I was, what I should be, and what I was capable of being. Now I pay attention to these as a tool to recognize the things I do well and what opportunities I have to become what is outside of the box.

Finding people who belong in your life is trial and error.   Like I said above, moving for a job as a single adult made me feel like I was moving into college again. Of course, I have my friends from the other parts of my life, but those became long distance relationships. Similar to what you experience in college, sometimes, you meet those first few people that you feel like you were meant to meet. You feel like they understand you past, you feel like you can trust them, and you feel like they will become your new set of people only to find out they weren’t the people you thought they were. I experienced that this year and was reminded the hard way that sometimes it’s better to be alone, then to settle for people who don’t belong in your life.

Social media is overrated. Throughout the course of the year, I deactivated all social media for month-long stretches. During this time, I realized the power of being present, the calmness that comes from not being wrapped up in what other people are doing, and the effort that goes into actually maintaining relationships. Going without social media reminded me that I don’t want to be someone that sits with the people I love while we are both texting other people. It made me realize that a “like” isn’t checking in on someone. It made me realize that sometimes we’re fooled into thinking we’re keeping in contact with people because we see some of what they’ve been up to. When I didn’t have it, I was forced to find other ways to reach out to the people in my life that I care able who live far away and see how they were and what they were up to. It reminded me the importance of stepping away from other people’s highlight reels (and tragedy reels). Don’t get me wrong, I have since reactivated my accounts, however, the break did help me spend less time on social media.

The love we leave. The in an of itself was actually a whole post that I wrote out and never felt like posting. This is a lesson that I learned this year through loosing someone close to me. That is the lesson that a lot of our time on earth is spent worrying about how we look, how we progress in our career, how much money we can make, among other things. Loosing someone reminded me that the things we focus on while we are alive are not at all the things we leave behind. We don’t remember how great someone looked or how accomplished they were in their career. Those aren’t the things we miss about their presence on earth. We miss the memories, the laughs, the tears. We miss how that person made us feel. I put this one last because it is on of the things I want to be more aware of in 2019 and that is the love we are leaving during our time here one earth. I hope to appreciate the love given to me by the people in my life more and to be more aware of what it is that is truly important.

I am incredibly thankful for the difficulties that 2018 brought and the opportunity for growth that came with them. I feel blessed to have the people who have been by me this last year. But to say I’m excited for 2019 is an understatement. Thank you, next.